O: It's okay, momma. I don't need a tissue. I can use my shirt!

Today, I found

a half eaten apple in my bed,

at least a tablespoon of sesame seeds ground into my kitchen rug,

paint splatters on the wall in the living room,

three and a half pairs of sand-filled shoes on the dining room floor,

a mysterious, grey and brown smear on the wall behind the toy basket,

and a sippy cup of what used to be milk under the couch.

I have wiped butts, noses, and hands, and the hands were the grossest of the three. I have been sneezed at, peed on, and licked. I have made them beautiful meals, only to turn my back for a minute to discover that they have poured the milk over their fish, or dropped hunks of mashed potato into their cup of water, creating some inedible, unholy stew that I will later have to scrape off of their tiny, brightly colored dishes.

Don't let that sweet face fool you. GROSS.

There is a smell in the car that I am afraid to investigate.

Once, P actually blew her nose directly into my mouth. Please don't ask about the logistics. Just know, it happened.

God, they are gross. The grossest.

O: I promise I won't forget to love you forever, ever never again.

(The above quote is a complete fabrication. Nothing resembling that sentence has ever issued from O's mouth)

I have ambivalent feelings about blogging, especially being a "mommy blogger." Yet, as this project continues I am buoyed by everyone's kind words and positive feedback. When I first started considering sharing my writing and my life in this way, I began keeping a list of things I would not do, things this blog would not become. So here are my promises, to myself and to you.

1. I promise I will write in complete and grammatically correct sentences. When I don't, it will be a specific choice because of style or tone, or a proof reading error, so blame Jim.

2. I promise I will never call anybody DH, DD1, or DD2. I will never be TTC or EBF. If something makes me laugh, I will describe, with language, how I fell to the floor and rolled with glee.

DD2 is so cute it makes me want to ROTFL, or something like that

3. I won't rant, not because ranting isn't fun, but because this isn't the forum for it. That is what late nights on the couch with Jim and a bottle of wine are for.

4. I won't pad out a list. If I only have four things to share, I won't restate one to get to five.

5. My lists will only contain information that I want to share one time. (I just couldn't resist. I'm not proud)

6. I won't overshare. This is tricky, because by some people's standards I already have. Just know that anything I do choose to share will be shared mindfully and with forethought.

7. I won't try to sell you anything. If I share about a service or a product, it will only be because we use that product and it genuinely makes our lives easier/better/more fun.

seriously, though, this is the best lunch box ever

8. I will use my own images. I won't load a post with a bunch of open-source, uninteresting pictures. I have a fancy new camera. I am trying to learn how to use it.